What does Zee want?
Remember, I googled this post... Which means, I went to google and typed in the words: "What Zee Wants" then hit the send button... AND here are the first thirteen "intelligent" responses to the query.... (oooh, that's a stretch -- how about "semi-intelligent?" or "passed a driving test once"??) ....
According to Google, ZEE WANTS.....
1. To prove that she has the crowd for the match, Zee wants loud music played while the commentary is going on.... OH Yeah, baby. I love the competition between guys in the play-by-play booth and the guys in the band... ROCK ON! Can you hear me? I said, Rock On! No, not " all done"... ROCK ON... Read my lips... rock on. Huh? You like the loud music? Bring a friend... cuz Zee wants a crowd. What'd you say?......
2. To purchase a 20,000-square-foot structure (Google's spelling). Hey! I guess I want some room -- what? to house a small country?
3. To calculate. Apparently, calculating the number of elapsed days isn't enough! Zee wants to express that interval in the form of X years, Y months, Z days...
Obviously, on Google, I'm soooo much better at math than in real life.
4. To sue Star! Well, of course I do! What decent, tabloid-headline-scanning human being wouldn't want to sue Star!? I am appalled! Appalled I say! Whenever I have to read those headlines while I'm waiting in the check out line at my local market. I am so forced to read Star! Enough Brittney already. How about some balance? I'd like Shakespeare for two hundred, Alex.
5. To communicate to Christians who ask serious questions while standing in the pulpit, around the font, or at the table.... HUGE GIGGLE!!! Yes, I seriously want to communicate with those Christians who hang out at the font. I want to ask... Why the hell are you hanging out at the font? Waiting for a baby to come by so you can splash some water on his or her head? Or... Is somebody siphoning off the holy water and selling it on the side? Big business in healing these days? Washing away sins? Or just a nice place to meet like-minded souls? Okay, Christians, come clean! (font=water=clean... ha ha ha). At least... communicate already. Oy.
6. To be in a LONG TERM relationship..at least 2 years!! Hmmm, that Zee has lowered the bar just a tad. Two years = long term relationship? That's all Zee wants in life? Okay, line up guys. I don't think you'll have to cough up a major ring or even invest in health insurance or a trip to the airport on gossamer wings -- not if you are leaving before Christmas of 2009. Geez, sounds a lot like way safe sex, huh? Too needy? Or just not needy enough? I can't get over the two year limit... wow. Talk about arguing for your limitations.
7. To go with the flow, accept other lifestyle choices such as drinking and smoking and reading Salman Rushdie. Go with the flow, I get. And I can accept drinking. I can raise a toast to drinking, yessir! But I'm a little fuzzy on the smoking and Salman Rushdie. Unless I get to smoke dope and listen to his books on my iPod. Then, that last lifestyle part gets a nod.
8. To have whatever she wants. Zee is too cool. (I really really like this one). If I can have whatever I want, then I opt for a big ol' house on the beach (hey! 20,000 sq ft might work) and servants at my beck and call. Yeah, that would be nice. Don't worry, I'd invite all my friends. Cuz... I'm too cool.
9. To quit cricket and get into domestic football. Yeah, I know. Cricket is so last century. And let's face it, the uniforms suck. I'm all into shoulder pads and helmets now.
10. To replace HBO in its bouquet, possibly with Hollywood movie channel Cinemax. My entertainment bouquet is wilting, I guess? I must say that HBO has recently lost cache since the departure of the Sopranos, Deadwood, and Rome. Might the Wire be next? Horrors! Is nothing sacred (especially with the nudity/sex/violence crowd?) In my real universe I've replaced HBO, Cinemax and all those with Netflix. Happy happy, joy joy. That's one sweet smellin' bouquet, I'll tell you!
11. To expand after the Super Bowl. Mmm mmm, the visual: me, nachos, beer, and a vow. Au contraire, mes amis! After the Super Bowl, I'm soooo going on a diet!
12. Zee wants Jesse to end his outlaw days. Isn't that a Rick Springfield song?
13. Zee wants to wake his parents without making them angry. What’s a zebra to do? Bring them breakfast in bed, of course!
Zee could go on and on. What does Zee want for Christmas?
Would World Peace be too much to ask ??
Hmmm. Probably bigger than a 20,000 square foot structure, huh?
Seems iffy, until you remember... I get everything I want.
Cuz, we all know now -- I'm too cool.
I've been tagged by Vix. So, I'll be posting the answers to Christmas Questions this weekend.
Thanks, Vix. Thanks a lot!