Thursday, August 16, 2007

in no apparent order and for no reason other than "it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to"

1. Packaging. Of course, this calls for subtopics, and I just don't have the energy. Example. You're at Costco. You buy a set of 12 jazzy neon-colored gel pens. You now have to get a buzz saw to cut through that s****y plastic to open the d**n package. That means you can't write in your journal on the way home. This angst with packaging extends to that c****y tape on the edges (all 3 now!) of dvd's and cd's. How many fingernails have you lost when you followed directions... "pull here"??? Right. Like that's gonna happen. As you scrape bits of adhesive for the next 10 minutes. So much for the good mood you were in when you bought the nifty little piece of entertainment.

2. People who drive and talk while holding cellphones to their ears. No.. not just "drive," but drive 80 mph or attempt tricky manuevers like "U" turns in dicey traffic. Helloooo.... microphones, hands-free... anything about safety???? I especially hate when some oblivious idiot drag races through the supermarket parking lot while holding the cellphone. Enough already.

3. Sportswriters/t.v. commentators. Rant about steroid use. Cut to commercial for... Viagra. Who's kidding who about PERFORMANCE ENHANCEMENT???? It's not just for Barry Bonds any more....

4. Men talking about women finding jobs in almost any non-traditional field. "Well, they're making inroads... numbers are increasing..." Yeah, right. How long have I heard that quote? Forty years? Do not tell me women are equal until I see the Fortune 500 list and it's not just Oprah in the top ten; or that picture of the Supreme Court with five women; or that picture of any major sport with women as officials, team owners, scouts, financial gurus. Just don't insult my intelligence with "you're making progress."

5. Rants about obesity in the USA, McDonald's is packed. After dozens of reports and films like "Fast Food Nation," who would still take the kids to McDonalds? Is the pressure to conform just so tough. Why not say NO? I don't get it. Aren't the parents in charge? I guess not.

6. Halloween costumes. Small children dressed as Pimps and Hos. (yes, was listed as #1 costume choice) Nothing says "family values" like a toddler in leopard print and black lace. And don't get me started on girls in middle school. Talk about dressing like ho's. Yeah, I wanted to wear a mini-skirt. But my father said "no" and I didn't. Am I getting old?

7. Mosquitos. What's the point? Food for bats and birds?

8. Mt. Rushmore. Why do the humorless security guards rummage through my purse and ask me if I'm carrying "pepper spray or a pocket knife"? Exact words. Like I'm going to wield pepper spray in the face of a ranger, grab his gun, and shoot the face off Teddy Roosevelt? Meanwhile, countless RV's and Hummers (who's behind all that dark glass?) pull into the multi-level parking garage, NOBODY checks the trunks. Helllllooooo... can you say "car bomb"? Seems a bit more realistic than a pocket knife for making an impact on Mt. Rushmore. ...... I'm just sayin' .....

9. Current fashion. For me. Baby doll outfits? Really? Come on. Who's kidding who? Models in those ads look pregnant. What's up with that? And while we're on the subject.... why can't I find basic clothes in my size (12) that reflect my age, which is not "granny" and not "teeny bopper." Why don't they have basic jeans any more at Old Navy? I looked for a pair of jeans that sit at my waist. All I found? Jeans that just about covered my pubic hair. (and MOST young women should NOT be wearing these -- helloooo... I'm sick of seeing flab over the belt). But now it's the blouses and dresses and t-shirts. Either we're all peasants or baby dolls. I guess the trends just keep sending me the message: save your money. And that's a good thing.

10. The mortgage crisis. Free money? Someone should have seen this one coming. What were THEY thinking? (and I mean ALL the THEY's... buyers, sellers, banks, mortgage companies... the list is endless)

11. Buy One, Get One Free. Do you ever really have to think about this one? Sometimes it's a good deal. Sometimes I don't want a second dozen fresh bagels. Who's gonna eat these? And if I freeze them, they're no longer FRESH bagels. Haven't I defeated the purpose of my purchase? But if I don't buy the "free" one... I feel like I'm losing out somehow. Marketing!

12. Coupons. Never for anything I really like, want, or use.

13. The end of summer. Bugs me because I'm just feeling relaxed and mellow.... then the weather shifts to a taste of autumn. And I know I have to write my syllabus, and read up for lectures, and create assignments. All I really wanna do is rock in the hammock, read romance novels, and drink raspberry lemonade. Didn't summer just start? And it's over? Ah.....

I didn't proofread this list. I just dribbled and dabbed and wrote without really thinking. Nice to do that once in awhile, isn't it? No offense. Just me being me.

1 comment:

Gina Ardito said...

Ah, m'dear, we are so in synch with these! Have you seen the movie, Little Miss Sunshine? (Get it at Netflix, if not) The whole thing about beauty contests and the way they dress these kids up--scary!